Jelly Dictator

When the boys were in the NICU my wife and I had to "scrub in" before we could see them. This consisted of washing with antibacterial soap from our hands to our elbows for one minute. I never knew a minute could take so long. I always sang the slow version of the Happy Birthday Song and at the last "...to you" my water was off and I was reaching for my paper towel. At the NICU I averaged about 7 Happy Birthdays per wash.

Now, let me give you a little information on me before I continue, I hate to have dry hands and I lotion up every moment I get to avoid the horrid sand paper feeling. OCD? Maybe. The soap at the NICU seemed to suck out every last natural oil I had in my hands. Even after the washing, it was highly recommend by the NICU nurses that you use antibacterial gel before and after you touch your baby.

Since we had twins I would have to "jelly" myself up between babies. Since we spent a lot of time there, it was a repetitive routine to cleanse my germy hands. I change a diaper, jelly. I touch my keys, jelly. I sneeze (which was often because it was like an icebox in the NICU), jelly. I scratch my nose, jelly. I think of touching something, JELLY! At the end of the day my hands felt 80 years old! BUT....I was always willing to do it because I didn't want the babies to get sick.

I think the doctors and nurses at the NICU scared my wife and I by telling us about all the infections the babies could get, hence we turned into antibacterial whores. Before the babies got discharged from the hospital my wife stocked up on "free" antibacterial gel. Each time we would visit the boys we came home with a few bottles. I would come home and excitedly tell my wife: "I got one!" and she would look at me disappointed and show me the five bottles she came home with. Needless to say my wife had no shame.

Once the boys were home we used that "jelly" like nobody's business. My wife turned into a "Jelly Dictator". Democracy was out the window. If she told you that you needed jelly, you took it with a smile. I jokenly told her I had nightmares about her chasing me with antibacterial gel. She didn't think it was funny.

On one of our first pulmonary appointments for the little guy we were sent to wait for our doctor in an exam room. While we were there my wife saw the antibacterial soap. Her eyes lit up. Why was I prying the soap dispenser off the wall for my wife? Why was I contributing to her jelly fetish? This was the same soap that sucked the life out of my hands at the NICU and now we were taking it home! Sand paper hands here I come. But.....the worst thing about this doctors visit was right after I took the antibacterial soap the doctor came in and of course he went to wash his hands and THEIR WAS NO SOAP! I was mortified and probably bright red. My wife on the other hand.....cool as a cucumber. No shame. I still love her though.