June 12th was the twins' original due date. As you all know they were born 9 weeks early on April 10th. My original goal was to exclusively breastfeed them until their first birthday, and IF I could, until their gestational birthday (June 12th). Today is June 15th and I'm sitting here at my desk pumping before I jump in the shower and get ready for work.
We were supposed to start giving the boys whole milk this weekend, but got busy and forgot! We want to start on a weekend in case they have any reactions to it, or spit it out! Hopefully we can remember to start this weekend.
Its an amazing feeling to say that I've exclusively breastfed/pumped for twins for over 14 months! I never thought I'd actually make it this far, and there were plenty times I almost didn't! I don't think many people realize how much you sacrifice to bfeed twins, and how much sleep I've given up just to do so. I know I've been really lucky to have had an ample milk supply without needing any drugs, and I don't take that forgranted for a second.
I'm now struggling with the idea of when to wean. If the boys like whole milk than the little guy will probably transition just fine. He has been getting Expressed Breast Milk (EBM) for months now and doesn't breastfeed directly. The big guy on the other hand, still nurses exclusively when we are together and only takes bottles of EBM when I'm at work. For the most part I can give him bottles of EBM if I need to during the day, but at night HE MUST NURSE! I don't want to force him to wean, but I also don't want to be nursing a four year old to sleep. I keep thinking one day he just won't want it anymore but I really don't see that happening.
At this point there is no rush as we are all getting much more sleep, but with the transition to whole milk comes the transition to sippy/straw cups and good riddance to Dr. Brown! We are going to keep their whole milk separate from their breastmilk so that they get used to the taste, and we are going to only give them whole milk in a cup. We'll start with 2-4 ounces a day and slowly increase from there. As they get more whole milk and less breastmilk, we will get rid of the bottles. My goal is to be done with bottles by the boys 18 month birthday.
The other factor that plays into this is my weird, never expected, sadness over the end of my nursing relationship with both boys. Even though the little guy doesn't nurse directly anymore, I still feel like I'm connecting with him by giving him breastmilk. I actually have to put more work in for him since pumping is such a task as compared to nursing. As for the big guy, I really am going to miss nursing him and laying with him and rubbing his chubby little feet while we nurse. I'm sure its normal, but it just seems like I've been counting down for so long, that now that I'm here I'm wishing I could just pause for a few months and enjoy them a little longer. I think its just another sign that our babies are getting older and soon they won't be babies anymore.
Showing posts with label Working Mama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Working Mama. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
10 Months!
Here we go again.... Its been a long and exhausting month. I've been back to work a little over a month now, and its HARD. I love my new job, but leaving my baby boys every morning hasn't gotten much easier. I miss them more than I ever thought I could, and spending just a few hours a day with them has been really tough. The idea of work-life balance seems less like "balance" and more like a "trade-off". I'm still finding my stride, but for now this is the best I can do. My days are super long, and some days blend right in with the next depending on how demanding the babies are when we get home. I am constantly amazed at how well I am able to function on little to no sleep!
The boys have adjusted nicely to the new routine, and while Mondays are harder on them, they have been really good boys. They are both crawling, pulling themselves up on furniture, and the big guy is standing pretty much on his own. We think he will be walking very very soon!
They babble all day long, and the little guy is clapping up a storm. He even found this crazy scream that scares his brother, makes him cry and then he claps for him. Its cute and mean at the same time!
They have been eating solids for about the last 3 months, though we got off to a really slow start. The first 2 months was mainly rice cereal and oatmeal, but this last month we have really made some progress. So far they have had: green beans, sweet potato, regular potato, green squash, yellow squash, carrots, asparagus, apples, bananas, peaches, blueberries, pears, avocado, and chicken. This week they will add mango, peas, pasta and ground meat. They are eating solids three times a day in addition to their milk, and they love food! We bought this baby food making machine and it works great! I usually make their food for the week on Sunday evening and store it in these trays especially for baby food that look like ice trays but have lids and a labeling surface that you can write on with dry-erase markers. They are really easy to stack in either the fridge or freezer and make meal planning so much easier. Yes... I MAKE THEIR FOOD! Again, if you know me in real life, you are probably wondering what the hell happened to the "old" non-cooking, non-domesticated me. Never in my wildest dreams would I imagine my self as a baby-wearing, breastfeeding, home-made-babyfood-making mama of TWINS! Crazy right? Its amazing what being a mom can do to a girl. ;)
We are starting to introduce finger foods, and so far so good. So far they have only had sweet potato "puffs" that we bought at the store, and they are doing well with them. I am going to start moving away from mushing everything to allowing them small pieces to self-feed. We'll see how that goes! I think this is where the dogs will come in for clean-up duty.
As for their milk, they take about 5 ounces each, every three hours throughout the day and are still exclusively on breast milk! I think at this point I am fairly confident that I will make my one year goal, and probably can go longer if I can manage the pumping at work. My milk supply dipped a little when I first started back at work, but has slowly increased now that I have found my routine.
In other news this month also marks the return of aunt flow. Yup, the bitch is back! I got a nice 10 months and though I was hoping she wouldn't show her face until I was done breastfeeding, I'll take what I can get.
So I think that about wraps it up! In two short months I will be celebrating the one year anniversary of the birth of our twin boys, and my becoming a Mama. While we are still in survival mode, everyday it gets easier. I'm still utterly in love with these two little people we have created and still in disbelief that they are here. I have loved every second of being a Mama, so much so that we have already started talking about baby number THREE. I won't go into details now, but we are definitely in agreement that we will be trying for our third by the time the boys are about to start pre-school. Stay tuned...
p.s. As soon as we get our hard drive back I will be updating our pictures. The boys have certainly changed since Christmas!
The boys have adjusted nicely to the new routine, and while Mondays are harder on them, they have been really good boys. They are both crawling, pulling themselves up on furniture, and the big guy is standing pretty much on his own. We think he will be walking very very soon!
They babble all day long, and the little guy is clapping up a storm. He even found this crazy scream that scares his brother, makes him cry and then he claps for him. Its cute and mean at the same time!
They have been eating solids for about the last 3 months, though we got off to a really slow start. The first 2 months was mainly rice cereal and oatmeal, but this last month we have really made some progress. So far they have had: green beans, sweet potato, regular potato, green squash, yellow squash, carrots, asparagus, apples, bananas, peaches, blueberries, pears, avocado, and chicken. This week they will add mango, peas, pasta and ground meat. They are eating solids three times a day in addition to their milk, and they love food! We bought this baby food making machine and it works great! I usually make their food for the week on Sunday evening and store it in these trays especially for baby food that look like ice trays but have lids and a labeling surface that you can write on with dry-erase markers. They are really easy to stack in either the fridge or freezer and make meal planning so much easier. Yes... I MAKE THEIR FOOD! Again, if you know me in real life, you are probably wondering what the hell happened to the "old" non-cooking, non-domesticated me. Never in my wildest dreams would I imagine my self as a baby-wearing, breastfeeding, home-made-babyfood-making mama of TWINS! Crazy right? Its amazing what being a mom can do to a girl. ;)
We are starting to introduce finger foods, and so far so good. So far they have only had sweet potato "puffs" that we bought at the store, and they are doing well with them. I am going to start moving away from mushing everything to allowing them small pieces to self-feed. We'll see how that goes! I think this is where the dogs will come in for clean-up duty.
As for their milk, they take about 5 ounces each, every three hours throughout the day and are still exclusively on breast milk! I think at this point I am fairly confident that I will make my one year goal, and probably can go longer if I can manage the pumping at work. My milk supply dipped a little when I first started back at work, but has slowly increased now that I have found my routine.
In other news this month also marks the return of aunt flow. Yup, the bitch is back! I got a nice 10 months and though I was hoping she wouldn't show her face until I was done breastfeeding, I'll take what I can get.
So I think that about wraps it up! In two short months I will be celebrating the one year anniversary of the birth of our twin boys, and my becoming a Mama. While we are still in survival mode, everyday it gets easier. I'm still utterly in love with these two little people we have created and still in disbelief that they are here. I have loved every second of being a Mama, so much so that we have already started talking about baby number THREE. I won't go into details now, but we are definitely in agreement that we will be trying for our third by the time the boys are about to start pre-school. Stay tuned...
p.s. As soon as we get our hard drive back I will be updating our pictures. The boys have certainly changed since Christmas!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Reminiscing
Going back to work has made me feel like I did when the twins first came home from the hospital...EXHAUSTED!
Though I really love my new job, by the time I get there, I already feel like I worked a full day. Since I have to pump for two, I am still having to get up throughout the night/early morning to pump so that I can leave enough milk for both without having to go into our freezer storage (which I am saving for emergency use only). The boys each get 5 ounces every 3 hours plus three snacks which consist of either rice cereal, oatmeal, or solid foods mixed with about 2 ounces of milk (solids need less milk) bringing their milk intake to a whopping 40 ounces JUST for the time that I am at work. So while everyone is asleep, I MUST drag my butt out of bed to pump.
My day officially starts at 4-4:30am when I start my second pumping of the day (I also pump at 1am), by 5am I am supposed to be in the shower and getting ready for work. This may or may not happen depending on whether one or two babies are awake and in need of breakfast. My wife and I switch off with baby duties so we can both get ready for work. She leaves before I do, so I have to do the stuff I can't do while alone with them before she leaves (like pump and shower). Then I juggle getting ready while trying to keep one or both babies entertained long enough before I can rock them back to sleep. She usually gets the lil guy back to sleep before she leaves so that I only have the big guy awake on my own.
My mom gets to our house at 7:30am and usually one or both babies are asleep. I leave as soon as she gets there so that I can be at work by 8am. So far, I've only been late once by like 20 minutes, so my routine is working out pretty well. Once I get to work I go through my email and list of "to dos" and plan my day. By 9am I wheel my very big bag of tricks down to the lactation room for my first pumping of my work day. Luckily, I have a blackberry which is nice because we have an IM system at work so that even though I'm not at my desk I can still connect with the people I need to. I usually take my work with me to the lactation room and do what I can and send out emails. I also use my pumping time to check in on the boys and see how their days are going.
By 10am I am back at my desk. So far I have a ton of meetings to go to so I usually don't get to spend much time actually sitting at my desk. Since 10am is a popular meeting time, I am usually in a meeting until about noon.
Which is my next pumping time, so I run down to the cafeteria to grab some lunch and take it with me to eat while I pump.
By 1pm I am finally able to get some work done (if I'm not in another meeting) and I get through as much of my "to do" list as possible. What I love about my job is that I am surrounded by smart people who are willing to share their knowledge, so I have learned to pick their brains as much as I can.
At around 3pm I go down for my last pumping session of my work day and I try to take reading material with me to wind down. Since I work in the regulatory arena, there are always a multitude of briefs and filings to read, so I always have something new.
When 4pm rolls around I go back to my desk (though lately I've had meetings) and start organizing myself for the next day. I respond to emails, send off any projects I've been working on to the appropriate recipients, and make my "to do" list for the next day. If my boss is in her office, I will check-in with her and then head home.
That is my half way point.
As soon as I walk in the door, I run to my room to change and wash-up (a must after coming home from a germy office where every other person is coughing). Then I spend a little time with the babies and the wife, and try and eat a very quick dinner before I sit down to pump. As soon as I am done pumping I have about an hour of play time with the kiddos before we start their bedtime routine. I usually nurse the big guy til he falls asleep while my wife gives the lil one a bottle. As soon as the big guy falls asleep I jump out of bed and try to catch the lil one before he goes to sleep and if I can, I take over his feeding or rocking so I can get some one-on-one with him too.
Once both babies are asleep its about 9pm and time to pump. I sit at the computer while I pump and talk with my wife about our days. She is usually washing dishes, and going through my work bag to take out the pumping gear I used throughout the day and replace it with freshly washed ones for the next day. As soon as I'm done we head straight to bed. I get about 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep (less if the big guy wakes up to nurse) before I have to get up to pump again, and then another 2 hours after that. During the time that I pump my wife sleeps with the big guy and goes back and forth between him and the lil one rocking them back to sleep if they wake up.
At 1am I get up to pump again....rinse and repeat.
While I am very thankful that we are at 9.5 months and I am still able to provide breastmilk exclusively for my boys, I won't pretend that it is by any means easy. There are days that I just want to toss my pump out the window and buy a case of formula on my way home. Of course I come to my senses and continue with my routine, but sometimes just the thought of the freedom from my pump is exciting.
Its not that I think formula is bad, I was formula fed as a baby, its just that being able to breastfeed my babies is the only part of this whole process that I have been able to control - from pregnancy to delivery and beyond, nothing went as planned. This is something I've always wanted to give to my babies, and luckily I have been able to do so, and that is why I stick with it.
So many people have asked how long I plan to breastfeed and saying my goal out loud is very daunting, and so I've changed it. For now, my goal is one week. Every Monday I say to myself that I just need to do it for one more week.
By the end of next week, I will have completed my first month pumping while working. While its been harder than I thought it would be, I've survived so far and hope that I can hang on just a little longer.
Though I really love my new job, by the time I get there, I already feel like I worked a full day. Since I have to pump for two, I am still having to get up throughout the night/early morning to pump so that I can leave enough milk for both without having to go into our freezer storage (which I am saving for emergency use only). The boys each get 5 ounces every 3 hours plus three snacks which consist of either rice cereal, oatmeal, or solid foods mixed with about 2 ounces of milk (solids need less milk) bringing their milk intake to a whopping 40 ounces JUST for the time that I am at work. So while everyone is asleep, I MUST drag my butt out of bed to pump.
My day officially starts at 4-4:30am when I start my second pumping of the day (I also pump at 1am), by 5am I am supposed to be in the shower and getting ready for work. This may or may not happen depending on whether one or two babies are awake and in need of breakfast. My wife and I switch off with baby duties so we can both get ready for work. She leaves before I do, so I have to do the stuff I can't do while alone with them before she leaves (like pump and shower). Then I juggle getting ready while trying to keep one or both babies entertained long enough before I can rock them back to sleep. She usually gets the lil guy back to sleep before she leaves so that I only have the big guy awake on my own.
My mom gets to our house at 7:30am and usually one or both babies are asleep. I leave as soon as she gets there so that I can be at work by 8am. So far, I've only been late once by like 20 minutes, so my routine is working out pretty well. Once I get to work I go through my email and list of "to dos" and plan my day. By 9am I wheel my very big bag of tricks down to the lactation room for my first pumping of my work day. Luckily, I have a blackberry which is nice because we have an IM system at work so that even though I'm not at my desk I can still connect with the people I need to. I usually take my work with me to the lactation room and do what I can and send out emails. I also use my pumping time to check in on the boys and see how their days are going.
By 10am I am back at my desk. So far I have a ton of meetings to go to so I usually don't get to spend much time actually sitting at my desk. Since 10am is a popular meeting time, I am usually in a meeting until about noon.
Which is my next pumping time, so I run down to the cafeteria to grab some lunch and take it with me to eat while I pump.
By 1pm I am finally able to get some work done (if I'm not in another meeting) and I get through as much of my "to do" list as possible. What I love about my job is that I am surrounded by smart people who are willing to share their knowledge, so I have learned to pick their brains as much as I can.
At around 3pm I go down for my last pumping session of my work day and I try to take reading material with me to wind down. Since I work in the regulatory arena, there are always a multitude of briefs and filings to read, so I always have something new.
When 4pm rolls around I go back to my desk (though lately I've had meetings) and start organizing myself for the next day. I respond to emails, send off any projects I've been working on to the appropriate recipients, and make my "to do" list for the next day. If my boss is in her office, I will check-in with her and then head home.
That is my half way point.
As soon as I walk in the door, I run to my room to change and wash-up (a must after coming home from a germy office where every other person is coughing). Then I spend a little time with the babies and the wife, and try and eat a very quick dinner before I sit down to pump. As soon as I am done pumping I have about an hour of play time with the kiddos before we start their bedtime routine. I usually nurse the big guy til he falls asleep while my wife gives the lil one a bottle. As soon as the big guy falls asleep I jump out of bed and try to catch the lil one before he goes to sleep and if I can, I take over his feeding or rocking so I can get some one-on-one with him too.
Once both babies are asleep its about 9pm and time to pump. I sit at the computer while I pump and talk with my wife about our days. She is usually washing dishes, and going through my work bag to take out the pumping gear I used throughout the day and replace it with freshly washed ones for the next day. As soon as I'm done we head straight to bed. I get about 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep (less if the big guy wakes up to nurse) before I have to get up to pump again, and then another 2 hours after that. During the time that I pump my wife sleeps with the big guy and goes back and forth between him and the lil one rocking them back to sleep if they wake up.
At 1am I get up to pump again....rinse and repeat.
While I am very thankful that we are at 9.5 months and I am still able to provide breastmilk exclusively for my boys, I won't pretend that it is by any means easy. There are days that I just want to toss my pump out the window and buy a case of formula on my way home. Of course I come to my senses and continue with my routine, but sometimes just the thought of the freedom from my pump is exciting.
Its not that I think formula is bad, I was formula fed as a baby, its just that being able to breastfeed my babies is the only part of this whole process that I have been able to control - from pregnancy to delivery and beyond, nothing went as planned. This is something I've always wanted to give to my babies, and luckily I have been able to do so, and that is why I stick with it.
So many people have asked how long I plan to breastfeed and saying my goal out loud is very daunting, and so I've changed it. For now, my goal is one week. Every Monday I say to myself that I just need to do it for one more week.
By the end of next week, I will have completed my first month pumping while working. While its been harder than I thought it would be, I've survived so far and hope that I can hang on just a little longer.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
9 Months
I almost didn't even realize we were here already! 9 Months... in 90 days we will be having a birthday party for TWINS, OUR twins!
So much has happened in this last month I don't even know where to start. My time as "Stay at Home Mama" has ended and though I miss them more than I ever thought possible, this has been the plan for a while now. "When the boys are 9 months old..." I'm happy that they are bigger and stronger and I think/hope that they are "ready" now. I'm still getting used to the idea of leaving them and don't know if I will ever be "ready", but I'm making the best of it. They are both adjusting ok to being left with my mom at home, and I think it will be just a matter of time before we all find our stride.
The big guy has made one very important milestone, he has said "Mama". He uses it to his advantage, and only says it now when he really wants me to get him and adds in the saddest little face to make me drop whatever it is I am doing to rescue him. He has also started waving at us. Like when he is crawling superfast in a direction he shouldn't be, I am usually calling his name and saying "no, no, no, come over HERE" he will stop and turn and wave at me! Like "bye Mama, I've got things to do over HERE!". Its really cute, though I'm sure that will wear off very soon!
The little guy has met lots of milestones in this month, took his first exam, sits up without falling over, gets on his hands and knees and tries to crawl (he will be on the move any day now), and has become the easiest, happiest baby ever. Only cries when he is hungry, plays for hours with us on the floor, goes down for nice long naps without a fuss, and sleeps through the night! He understands who "Mama" is but hasn't figured out how to say it. Its the thought that counts my lil pajarito!
They are both making their way through veggies and HATE greenbeans! They are tolerating carrots, and will be trying some peas and avocado this week. Still exclusively breastfed, they are growing nice and big and as of yesterday are about 17 pounds each. They haven't been sick not even once in their 9 months of life, and we are half way through the winter here, so just a few more months until we can ease up on the outings.
Speaking of outings, we finally got the courage to take them shopping with us, and they went to Vo.ns and Tar.get. They don't mind their carseats anymore and love going out with us. They were so good in the shopping baskets, although they are still kinda small to ride in the basket part, we used those cart covers and put a few blankets behind them. They loved being able to look around, and since we each had one in our basket, we didn't get all the "twin" oohs and aahs since we spent most of the time divided to conquer. Which is nice. I hate attention and when you go anywhere with twins, everyone wants to see, touch or ask and I'm not that person.
One thing I miss the most about my days at home with my babies is our daily walks. We would walk in our little gated community and the weather was great, everyone was at work so we were never bothered, and it was just me and my little monkeys just like when I was pregnant. Never thought I'd miss being pregnant, but at least I always had them with me.
I love you boys, all 9 months of you!
So much has happened in this last month I don't even know where to start. My time as "Stay at Home Mama" has ended and though I miss them more than I ever thought possible, this has been the plan for a while now. "When the boys are 9 months old..." I'm happy that they are bigger and stronger and I think/hope that they are "ready" now. I'm still getting used to the idea of leaving them and don't know if I will ever be "ready", but I'm making the best of it. They are both adjusting ok to being left with my mom at home, and I think it will be just a matter of time before we all find our stride.
The big guy has made one very important milestone, he has said "Mama". He uses it to his advantage, and only says it now when he really wants me to get him and adds in the saddest little face to make me drop whatever it is I am doing to rescue him. He has also started waving at us. Like when he is crawling superfast in a direction he shouldn't be, I am usually calling his name and saying "no, no, no, come over HERE" he will stop and turn and wave at me! Like "bye Mama, I've got things to do over HERE!". Its really cute, though I'm sure that will wear off very soon!
The little guy has met lots of milestones in this month, took his first exam, sits up without falling over, gets on his hands and knees and tries to crawl (he will be on the move any day now), and has become the easiest, happiest baby ever. Only cries when he is hungry, plays for hours with us on the floor, goes down for nice long naps without a fuss, and sleeps through the night! He understands who "Mama" is but hasn't figured out how to say it. Its the thought that counts my lil pajarito!
They are both making their way through veggies and HATE greenbeans! They are tolerating carrots, and will be trying some peas and avocado this week. Still exclusively breastfed, they are growing nice and big and as of yesterday are about 17 pounds each. They haven't been sick not even once in their 9 months of life, and we are half way through the winter here, so just a few more months until we can ease up on the outings.
Speaking of outings, we finally got the courage to take them shopping with us, and they went to Vo.ns and Tar.get. They don't mind their carseats anymore and love going out with us. They were so good in the shopping baskets, although they are still kinda small to ride in the basket part, we used those cart covers and put a few blankets behind them. They loved being able to look around, and since we each had one in our basket, we didn't get all the "twin" oohs and aahs since we spent most of the time divided to conquer. Which is nice. I hate attention and when you go anywhere with twins, everyone wants to see, touch or ask and I'm not that person.
One thing I miss the most about my days at home with my babies is our daily walks. We would walk in our little gated community and the weather was great, everyone was at work so we were never bothered, and it was just me and my little monkeys just like when I was pregnant. Never thought I'd miss being pregnant, but at least I always had them with me.
I love you boys, all 9 months of you!
Friday, January 8, 2010
Home
Today I am home. My work week is Monday through Thursday and I am glad its over! While it went better than I expected, I really missed my boys. Wednesday was a good day for them, they had no issues and went down for naps and had their bottles with no fuss.
Yesterday was a little hard for both of them...I think they both really missed me and just wanted to be in arms. I was going to try and come home early, but I start my new position on Monday and needed to move my stuff over to my new cubicle and that is always a pain. I'm glad I did though, so Monday I can just start fresh without having to run around.
I have pretty much figured out the whole pumping situation. I will pump at 9am, 12pm, and 3pm (unless I have a meeting or something and I will pump around it). I pump for like 45 minutes to completely empty out, which I thought was going to be a problem. But, with my new job I will be totally wired and will have access to email and our network even in the lactation room. So my boss isn't worried about me not being at my desk at all times. Which is nice. I like that I can work from anywhere because I really hate to waste my time just sitting around and it gets really boring in that room.
This morning the boys were so happy when they woke up and realized it was me getting them out of bed. It was so cute! The little guy was laughing for no reason and the big guy kept rubbing my arm and smiling. I brought them to my bed and we all cuddled for a while before starting our morning routine.
This weekend they have their RSV shots and thats pretty much it. I just want to stay home and relax with them. Now that I know what I need to take to work with me I want to prepare my stuff at night so the morning isn't so chaotic. I always feel like I'm forgetting something. I am also going to get one of those wheel cart things to lug all my crap in to work every morning. I decided to take my big pump back and forth. I was going to rent one but even renting for just 3 months will cost me the same as if I were to just buy another one on eb.ay. I also tried taking my Me.dela Pump.In.Style. but that pump just doesn't work for me. I hate that I bought it because it was a total waste since I've only used it like a handful of times in the car. Once I found the car charger for my big pump I've been using that one exclusively.
So there you have it. One week down, and way to many to go!
Yesterday was a little hard for both of them...I think they both really missed me and just wanted to be in arms. I was going to try and come home early, but I start my new position on Monday and needed to move my stuff over to my new cubicle and that is always a pain. I'm glad I did though, so Monday I can just start fresh without having to run around.
I have pretty much figured out the whole pumping situation. I will pump at 9am, 12pm, and 3pm (unless I have a meeting or something and I will pump around it). I pump for like 45 minutes to completely empty out, which I thought was going to be a problem. But, with my new job I will be totally wired and will have access to email and our network even in the lactation room. So my boss isn't worried about me not being at my desk at all times. Which is nice. I like that I can work from anywhere because I really hate to waste my time just sitting around and it gets really boring in that room.
This morning the boys were so happy when they woke up and realized it was me getting them out of bed. It was so cute! The little guy was laughing for no reason and the big guy kept rubbing my arm and smiling. I brought them to my bed and we all cuddled for a while before starting our morning routine.
This weekend they have their RSV shots and thats pretty much it. I just want to stay home and relax with them. Now that I know what I need to take to work with me I want to prepare my stuff at night so the morning isn't so chaotic. I always feel like I'm forgetting something. I am also going to get one of those wheel cart things to lug all my crap in to work every morning. I decided to take my big pump back and forth. I was going to rent one but even renting for just 3 months will cost me the same as if I were to just buy another one on eb.ay. I also tried taking my Me.dela Pump.In.Style. but that pump just doesn't work for me. I hate that I bought it because it was a total waste since I've only used it like a handful of times in the car. Once I found the car charger for my big pump I've been using that one exclusively.
So there you have it. One week down, and way to many to go!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Our New Normal
Yesterday as I got up to get ready it hit me that this is our new "normal". From now on, everyday that I go to work will be another day I am missing with my boys. While the logistics of leaving are getting easier, emotionally its getting harder... and not just for me. As I was nursing the big guy before leaving, I noticed he was lingering and taking more time just staring at me and not really eating. Usually he eats and then is smiling and ready to play. Yesterday he just wanted to be held a little longer. I let him decide when he was done, even if it meant I would leave a little later...I knew something was up.
When my mom got there I told her that I thought today might be a little harder on him so to call me if she had trouble with him and I'd come home early. I did my usual quick goodbye and went off to another day at the office.
My day went ok, though I felt a little sadder than the first day. I did my usual three pumpings and actually got some work done. I even went to a meeting with my new boss, though I don't start my new job until next week.
I kept checking in with my mom and the first half of the day was fine, but she did mention that the big guy was a little fussy. Luckily the little guy took some good naps and went down without a fuss so she was able to give the big guy more time in arms before putting him down.
I'm not sure if I mentioned it before, but the boys have started associating me with the word "Mama". Whenever anybody says "Mama" they both smile and look in my direction. On New Years Eve, the big guy finally said "Mama" twice. Since then he has only said it a few more times, but each time looks at me and if he is close enough he will pat my chest as he says it. My mom hadn't witnessed this and tries to get him to say it whenever I'm around, but he won't.
Yesterday as she was putting him down for his afternoon nap he started to cry, which he rarely does. She said it was the saddest cry she had ever heard and what made it worse... he started calling out for his "Mama"....over and over and over again. My mom cried.
I called her around 3pm when I was on my last pumping break and she told me first that the boys were fine and asleep and then she told me about the big guy. As she was telling me she started to cry again. She said she felt so bad for him but that she didn't want me to come home because he was fine, just missing me. I cried.
I ended up leaving right after I was done pumping, which was only about an hour early. When I got home they were both asleep and my mom had the big guy in the mo.by and was just walking around with him as he slept.
Everyday, my wife and I are thankful that we have my mom to watch our boys. We were especially thankful yesterday. She loves them more than any other caretaker could and gives them exactly what they need, even if it is a little harder on her. The good thing is, they usually take turns being needy so it works out.
I was reading some blogs last night about what it takes to get out the door when you have to shuttle your baby/kid/kids off to daycare and still make it to "start" your day at work. I don't think I even realized how much more work that would be if we had to pack up two babies and ourselves every morning and drive them somewhere. With my mom coming to us everyday, if the boys are sleeping they can stay sleeping, if they are playing they get to stay playing. We don't have to change them out of their jammies, pack any of their things, and they get to stay home in their own environment with their own toys, cribs, etc. I thought my morning was crazy just trying to get me out the door with all my pumping gear, food, drinks, etc. I had no idea how much harder it could be.
So Mom if you are reading this: THANK YOU. We love you and the boys love you...more than you know.
When my mom got there I told her that I thought today might be a little harder on him so to call me if she had trouble with him and I'd come home early. I did my usual quick goodbye and went off to another day at the office.
My day went ok, though I felt a little sadder than the first day. I did my usual three pumpings and actually got some work done. I even went to a meeting with my new boss, though I don't start my new job until next week.
I kept checking in with my mom and the first half of the day was fine, but she did mention that the big guy was a little fussy. Luckily the little guy took some good naps and went down without a fuss so she was able to give the big guy more time in arms before putting him down.
I'm not sure if I mentioned it before, but the boys have started associating me with the word "Mama". Whenever anybody says "Mama" they both smile and look in my direction. On New Years Eve, the big guy finally said "Mama" twice. Since then he has only said it a few more times, but each time looks at me and if he is close enough he will pat my chest as he says it. My mom hadn't witnessed this and tries to get him to say it whenever I'm around, but he won't.
Yesterday as she was putting him down for his afternoon nap he started to cry, which he rarely does. She said it was the saddest cry she had ever heard and what made it worse... he started calling out for his "Mama"....over and over and over again. My mom cried.
I called her around 3pm when I was on my last pumping break and she told me first that the boys were fine and asleep and then she told me about the big guy. As she was telling me she started to cry again. She said she felt so bad for him but that she didn't want me to come home because he was fine, just missing me. I cried.
I ended up leaving right after I was done pumping, which was only about an hour early. When I got home they were both asleep and my mom had the big guy in the mo.by and was just walking around with him as he slept.
Everyday, my wife and I are thankful that we have my mom to watch our boys. We were especially thankful yesterday. She loves them more than any other caretaker could and gives them exactly what they need, even if it is a little harder on her. The good thing is, they usually take turns being needy so it works out.
I was reading some blogs last night about what it takes to get out the door when you have to shuttle your baby/kid/kids off to daycare and still make it to "start" your day at work. I don't think I even realized how much more work that would be if we had to pack up two babies and ourselves every morning and drive them somewhere. With my mom coming to us everyday, if the boys are sleeping they can stay sleeping, if they are playing they get to stay playing. We don't have to change them out of their jammies, pack any of their things, and they get to stay home in their own environment with their own toys, cribs, etc. I thought my morning was crazy just trying to get me out the door with all my pumping gear, food, drinks, etc. I had no idea how much harder it could be.
So Mom if you are reading this: THANK YOU. We love you and the boys love you...more than you know.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
I Survived...
The day started off pretty well...the boys slept in so my wife and I had time to get ready. My mom came in early just in case I needed help, so we went over a few things that were different (like the boys don't wear jammies with feet anymore cause they can't crawl with them) and I packed some drinks and snacks and was out the door.
It was easier than I expected cause the boys were so happy to see my mom. If they could wave bye to me they would have! Not to mention I left later than I had planned and still needed to get gas so I didn't exactly have time for the long drawn out goodbye I had imagined in my dramatic head.
Once in the car though, I did get sad just thinking of the days activities I was going to miss. I had to give myself a talking to (which consists of going through all the positives in my life "the sky is blue, we are healthy, I have a car to drive and don't have to walk/take the bus" anything I can think of) and settled down. Luckily, I stopped myself just before the tears came rolling so I didn't have to walk in to work looking a wreck. I learned this trick from one of my best friends, I have two and work with both of them- I know lucky right, anyway, its how she got herself to work after leaving her baby girl for the first time.
When I got to work it was already 8:15 and parking was crazy so I had to park super far. It wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't have so much stuff to unload from my car. I was only able to carry half my stuff up and then my feet were killing me! I haven't worn shoes in 9 months (been wearing flip flops at home)...let alone high heels! Luckily above mentioned bff is 7 months pregnant (we'll call her prego bff) and always keeps a pair of walking shoes at her desk so I went over and borrowed them to get the rest of my crap from my car.
Once I finally got to my desk with all my gear, it was 9am and time to pump and I didn't have a key to the lactation room. Of course, both women who are in charge of the keys were on vacation. I IM'd both bffs (because my phone and email were NOT working) to help me find a key or a room or something before I exploded all over my new work clothes. Preggo bff, found me a room to pump and then when I was done, found me a key so I could pump in the lactation room the next round... I love her!
As she gave me the key we made plans for the three of us to go to lunch and then I met my other bff to walk me down to corporate security to get a new badge (I couldn't remember how the hell to get there-I work in a very big building). Of course, badge machine was broken so I had to wait 20 minutes. By the time I was done it was 11:30 and time for lunch. We left for lunch, which was great. I really missed these girls and though they have visited me and the boys since we have been home, I missed the day to day with them. Once we got back I had to pump again, and then finally got to sit at my desk and call IT to restore my access to my email, phone, etc. By the time I was done I had missed my pumping time and decided to just go home and pump there...since it was already 4pm.
So there you have it! I made it almost the whole day and without a tear. I think the craziness of the day kept my mind occupied and didn't allow me the downtime to think of all that I was missing at home. Besides, I had been texting back and forth with my mom throughout all the madness at work to check on the boys and they were doing great! They took their bottles with no problem, went down for their naps, she even had time to play with the babyfood making machine and made them fresh green beans! Which they only took one bite of because they hated them!...but at least they tried them. As for pumping, I had left them more than enough...there were still 4 bottles when I came home and I pumped another 5 bottles at work so that alone was enough for today. I still pumped one more time last night and am pumping again now, so I think I will be ok so long as my supply stays the same.
I actually think today will be much harder because I will have more "downtime" since I'm pretty much settled in now. Its also going to be hard because I already miss the boys since I didn't see them all day yesterday. I hope they do well again today.
It was easier than I expected cause the boys were so happy to see my mom. If they could wave bye to me they would have! Not to mention I left later than I had planned and still needed to get gas so I didn't exactly have time for the long drawn out goodbye I had imagined in my dramatic head.
Once in the car though, I did get sad just thinking of the days activities I was going to miss. I had to give myself a talking to (which consists of going through all the positives in my life "the sky is blue, we are healthy, I have a car to drive and don't have to walk/take the bus" anything I can think of) and settled down. Luckily, I stopped myself just before the tears came rolling so I didn't have to walk in to work looking a wreck. I learned this trick from one of my best friends, I have two and work with both of them- I know lucky right, anyway, its how she got herself to work after leaving her baby girl for the first time.
When I got to work it was already 8:15 and parking was crazy so I had to park super far. It wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't have so much stuff to unload from my car. I was only able to carry half my stuff up and then my feet were killing me! I haven't worn shoes in 9 months (been wearing flip flops at home)...let alone high heels! Luckily above mentioned bff is 7 months pregnant (we'll call her prego bff) and always keeps a pair of walking shoes at her desk so I went over and borrowed them to get the rest of my crap from my car.
Once I finally got to my desk with all my gear, it was 9am and time to pump and I didn't have a key to the lactation room. Of course, both women who are in charge of the keys were on vacation. I IM'd both bffs (because my phone and email were NOT working) to help me find a key or a room or something before I exploded all over my new work clothes. Preggo bff, found me a room to pump and then when I was done, found me a key so I could pump in the lactation room the next round... I love her!
As she gave me the key we made plans for the three of us to go to lunch and then I met my other bff to walk me down to corporate security to get a new badge (I couldn't remember how the hell to get there-I work in a very big building). Of course, badge machine was broken so I had to wait 20 minutes. By the time I was done it was 11:30 and time for lunch. We left for lunch, which was great. I really missed these girls and though they have visited me and the boys since we have been home, I missed the day to day with them. Once we got back I had to pump again, and then finally got to sit at my desk and call IT to restore my access to my email, phone, etc. By the time I was done I had missed my pumping time and decided to just go home and pump there...since it was already 4pm.
So there you have it! I made it almost the whole day and without a tear. I think the craziness of the day kept my mind occupied and didn't allow me the downtime to think of all that I was missing at home. Besides, I had been texting back and forth with my mom throughout all the madness at work to check on the boys and they were doing great! They took their bottles with no problem, went down for their naps, she even had time to play with the babyfood making machine and made them fresh green beans! Which they only took one bite of because they hated them!...but at least they tried them. As for pumping, I had left them more than enough...there were still 4 bottles when I came home and I pumped another 5 bottles at work so that alone was enough for today. I still pumped one more time last night and am pumping again now, so I think I will be ok so long as my supply stays the same.
I actually think today will be much harder because I will have more "downtime" since I'm pretty much settled in now. Its also going to be hard because I already miss the boys since I didn't see them all day yesterday. I hope they do well again today.
Monday, January 4, 2010
The Big Day
So today is the day I go back to work. I've been pretty stressed about it, mostly the part where I am going to try and pump enough milk to keep two growing boys fed. I don't know why I'm so worried about it because I've never really had a supply problem. Its just that its been awhile since I've had to pump exclusively for both.
I've been on a pumping kick and have gone back to the days of pumping every 3 hours around the clock (hence the 2am blogging)...and that's not including the breastfeeding sessions with the big guy! Needless to say, I am also going back to feeling like a cow...pump, feed, pump, feed...repeat. Someone needs to invent a mechanism you can connect to so you can pump while you sleep!
As for the boys, I am sure they are going to be fine. My mom is as ready as she'll ever be to take over the reigns, and though I'm sure they'll miss me, everything else will be a constant in their lives so the transition shouldn't be so hard.
Me? I'm going to have it rough. I don't think it helps that I've been home longer than the average for maternity leave, I almost forgot what the heck I do for a living and what its like to have a career! Also, I've never left the boys for more than a few (2-3) hours at a time, since they have been born. So I am going to miss them like crazy. Months ago I said I'd "practice" leaving them, etc. But, I didn't. That wasn't a fun game for me, and I figured it'd rather suck it up once I absolutely had to.
I literally waited until the last second to get anything ready, and really, my wife did all the work of packing my stuff (pump, connector things, bottles, cooler, etc.) and putting it in my car for me. I'm not usually a procrastinator so I'm thinking I was just trying to avoid the inevitable in the hopes it would go away. Ha! Well it didn't work!
Now I get to go back after 9 months without my new fabulous haircut I was going to get, and my nails? Oh lets just not look at my hands!
I decided to steal a New Year's resolution from Carey over at Finding Chaos, since she had so many great ones, and I'm going to try and "be more mindful". I spend a lot of time cleaning, organizing, doing the laundry, and pretty much running through my day like a crazy person to keep things "perfect" and I exhaust myself. This year I am going to try and let things slide that don't need my immediate attention and enjoy the ones that do (i,e. wife and children).
Though I am a few days late, I started yesterday. I had this whole list of "to dos" and didn't do any of it. I chose to spend my last day at home with my wife and our boys playing Wii and watching/chasing the babies as they rolled/crawled around the living room floor. Somehow I don't think I'll regret that decision.
Anyhow, here's to hoping that I make it the full day at work without 1) balling my eyes out every time someone asks about the boys and 2) packing my shit and coming home early!
*sigh* I could do this!
I've been on a pumping kick and have gone back to the days of pumping every 3 hours around the clock (hence the 2am blogging)...and that's not including the breastfeeding sessions with the big guy! Needless to say, I am also going back to feeling like a cow...pump, feed, pump, feed...repeat. Someone needs to invent a mechanism you can connect to so you can pump while you sleep!
As for the boys, I am sure they are going to be fine. My mom is as ready as she'll ever be to take over the reigns, and though I'm sure they'll miss me, everything else will be a constant in their lives so the transition shouldn't be so hard.
Me? I'm going to have it rough. I don't think it helps that I've been home longer than the average for maternity leave, I almost forgot what the heck I do for a living and what its like to have a career! Also, I've never left the boys for more than a few (2-3) hours at a time, since they have been born. So I am going to miss them like crazy. Months ago I said I'd "practice" leaving them, etc. But, I didn't. That wasn't a fun game for me, and I figured it'd rather suck it up once I absolutely had to.
I literally waited until the last second to get anything ready, and really, my wife did all the work of packing my stuff (pump, connector things, bottles, cooler, etc.) and putting it in my car for me. I'm not usually a procrastinator so I'm thinking I was just trying to avoid the inevitable in the hopes it would go away. Ha! Well it didn't work!
Now I get to go back after 9 months without my new fabulous haircut I was going to get, and my nails? Oh lets just not look at my hands!
I decided to steal a New Year's resolution from Carey over at Finding Chaos, since she had so many great ones, and I'm going to try and "be more mindful". I spend a lot of time cleaning, organizing, doing the laundry, and pretty much running through my day like a crazy person to keep things "perfect" and I exhaust myself. This year I am going to try and let things slide that don't need my immediate attention and enjoy the ones that do (i,e. wife and children).
Though I am a few days late, I started yesterday. I had this whole list of "to dos" and didn't do any of it. I chose to spend my last day at home with my wife and our boys playing Wii and watching/chasing the babies as they rolled/crawled around the living room floor. Somehow I don't think I'll regret that decision.
Anyhow, here's to hoping that I make it the full day at work without 1) balling my eyes out every time someone asks about the boys and 2) packing my shit and coming home early!
*sigh* I could do this!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
One Week Left
So the countdown has officially begun. I have 6 days left as a "Stay-At-Home" Mama. I can't believe how quickly time has gone by. In the beginning it seemed to go much slower and felt like I had all the time in the world, but towards the end it was like we were skipping days at a time!
I am sad, nervous, and anxious all at the same time. I have taken a total of 12 months off. I took 3 months off in the beginning of my pregnancy due to severe hyperemesis (really really bad morning sickness) and 9 months after the twins were born. The last time I was at work I was 7.5 months pregnant with twins. It was a Friday, and I left work at 2pm to head over to see my nutritionist (for gestational diabetes) and then to my OB for my 30 week check-up (though I was a few days early). I had planned to have a pregnancy massage that weekend and just relax and try and get some much needed rest.
This was the appointment where my bloodpressure was SKY high and I was rushed over to the hospital to be admitted and possibly deliver my twins that night. I ended up being on bedrest for a week before I was forced to deliver my boys at 30 weeks 5 days due to Pre-Eclampsia and H.E.L.L.P. syndrome. It was a scary week, and even scarier couple of months afterwards, but I'm thankful that this story has a happy ending and the fact that I will be going back to work as a Mama to two living, breathing, crawling boys is crazy and amazing all wrapped in one.
My biggest concern about going back is how the logistics of pumping will go and whether or not I will be able to pump enough milk to provide for both babies. I hope I can figure out a good pumping schedule my first week back so that I can have it set in motion when I transfer over to my new job the next week. I am hoping that by only working 4 days (I will be taking Fridays off), I can resume nursing while I am home for 3 days, and maintain my milk supply. I'm anticipating it will be a major pain in the ass to lug my big'ol commercial grade pump to work everyday, but if it gets me just 3 more months, it will be worth all the hassle.
Since we will be introducing more solids (or mushies) it is my hope that the boys will start to need less milk (or at least not more) so that we can avoid having to supplement with formula. We tried using it the day they came home from the NICU and they got horrible rashes instantly so we stopped using it that day. While I think they may tolerate it a little better given their age, I really don't want to go there unless absolutely necessary. I've been pumping like a mad woman to keep my supply going strong, so I think I should be ok.
The hardest part is going to be walking out the door. I haven't decided if I will say "bye bye" or just sneak out. I don't want to make a big ordeal about leaving them but I can't imagine not getting a hundred kisses before I go. I already told my mom I'd be calling to check on them when I pump, and I want to have my webcam set up ASAP so I can get a peak at them from time to time. I never thought going back to work would be so hard. It was always a part of the "plan" but it all seemed easier in theory. Now that I am at that point, I'm wondering why I didn't make a better plan! One that included us winning the lottery and me being able to stay home with my boys. ;)
Well back to reality! It is what it is and I am just going to make the most of the days I have left. I guess I can't really complain since I actually got more time than I had planned for given their long NICU stays, I should technically have been back to work 3 months ago!
I am sad, nervous, and anxious all at the same time. I have taken a total of 12 months off. I took 3 months off in the beginning of my pregnancy due to severe hyperemesis (really really bad morning sickness) and 9 months after the twins were born. The last time I was at work I was 7.5 months pregnant with twins. It was a Friday, and I left work at 2pm to head over to see my nutritionist (for gestational diabetes) and then to my OB for my 30 week check-up (though I was a few days early). I had planned to have a pregnancy massage that weekend and just relax and try and get some much needed rest.
This was the appointment where my bloodpressure was SKY high and I was rushed over to the hospital to be admitted and possibly deliver my twins that night. I ended up being on bedrest for a week before I was forced to deliver my boys at 30 weeks 5 days due to Pre-Eclampsia and H.E.L.L.P. syndrome. It was a scary week, and even scarier couple of months afterwards, but I'm thankful that this story has a happy ending and the fact that I will be going back to work as a Mama to two living, breathing, crawling boys is crazy and amazing all wrapped in one.
My biggest concern about going back is how the logistics of pumping will go and whether or not I will be able to pump enough milk to provide for both babies. I hope I can figure out a good pumping schedule my first week back so that I can have it set in motion when I transfer over to my new job the next week. I am hoping that by only working 4 days (I will be taking Fridays off), I can resume nursing while I am home for 3 days, and maintain my milk supply. I'm anticipating it will be a major pain in the ass to lug my big'ol commercial grade pump to work everyday, but if it gets me just 3 more months, it will be worth all the hassle.
Since we will be introducing more solids (or mushies) it is my hope that the boys will start to need less milk (or at least not more) so that we can avoid having to supplement with formula. We tried using it the day they came home from the NICU and they got horrible rashes instantly so we stopped using it that day. While I think they may tolerate it a little better given their age, I really don't want to go there unless absolutely necessary. I've been pumping like a mad woman to keep my supply going strong, so I think I should be ok.
The hardest part is going to be walking out the door. I haven't decided if I will say "bye bye" or just sneak out. I don't want to make a big ordeal about leaving them but I can't imagine not getting a hundred kisses before I go. I already told my mom I'd be calling to check on them when I pump, and I want to have my webcam set up ASAP so I can get a peak at them from time to time. I never thought going back to work would be so hard. It was always a part of the "plan" but it all seemed easier in theory. Now that I am at that point, I'm wondering why I didn't make a better plan! One that included us winning the lottery and me being able to stay home with my boys. ;)
Well back to reality! It is what it is and I am just going to make the most of the days I have left. I guess I can't really complain since I actually got more time than I had planned for given their long NICU stays, I should technically have been back to work 3 months ago!
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