One Week Left

So the countdown has officially begun. I have 6 days left as a "Stay-At-Home" Mama. I can't believe how quickly time has gone by. In the beginning it seemed to go much slower and felt like I had all the time in the world, but towards the end it was like we were skipping days at a time!

I am sad, nervous, and anxious all at the same time. I have taken a total of 12 months off. I took 3 months off in the beginning of my pregnancy due to severe hyperemesis (really really bad morning sickness) and 9 months after the twins were born. The last time I was at work I was 7.5 months pregnant with twins. It was a Friday, and I left work at 2pm to head over to see my nutritionist (for gestational diabetes) and then to my OB for my 30 week check-up (though I was a few days early). I had planned to have a pregnancy massage that weekend and just relax and try and get some much needed rest.

This was the appointment where my bloodpressure was SKY high and I was rushed over to the hospital to be admitted and possibly deliver my twins that night. I ended up being on bedrest for a week before I was forced to deliver my boys at 30 weeks 5 days due to Pre-Eclampsia and H.E.L.L.P. syndrome. It was a scary week, and even scarier couple of months afterwards, but I'm thankful that this story has a happy ending and the fact that I will be going back to work as a Mama to two living, breathing, crawling boys is crazy and amazing all wrapped in one.

My biggest concern about going back is how the logistics of pumping will go and whether or not I will be able to pump enough milk to provide for both babies. I hope I can figure out a good pumping schedule my first week back so that I can have it set in motion when I transfer over to my new job the next week. I am hoping that by only working 4 days (I will be taking Fridays off), I can resume nursing while I am home for 3 days, and maintain my milk supply. I'm anticipating it will be a major pain in the ass to lug my big'ol commercial grade pump to work everyday, but if it gets me just 3 more months, it will be worth all the hassle.

Since we will be introducing more solids (or mushies) it is my hope that the boys will start to need less milk (or at least not more) so that we can avoid having to supplement with formula. We tried using it the day they came home from the NICU and they got horrible rashes instantly so we stopped using it that day. While I think they may tolerate it a little better given their age, I really don't want to go there unless absolutely necessary. I've been pumping like a mad woman to keep my supply going strong, so I think I should be ok.

The hardest part is going to be walking out the door. I haven't decided if I will say "bye bye" or just sneak out. I don't want to make a big ordeal about leaving them but I can't imagine not getting a hundred kisses before I go. I already told my mom I'd be calling to check on them when I pump, and I want to have my webcam set up ASAP so I can get a peak at them from time to time. I never thought going back to work would be so hard. It was always a part of the "plan" but it all seemed easier in theory. Now that I am at that point, I'm wondering why I didn't make a better plan! One that included us winning the lottery and me being able to stay home with my boys. ;)

Well back to reality! It is what it is and I am just going to make the most of the days I have left. I guess I can't really complain since I actually got more time than I had planned for given their long NICU stays, I should technically have been back to work 3 months ago!