The Big Day

So today is the day I go back to work. I've been pretty stressed about it, mostly the part where I am going to try and pump enough milk to keep two growing boys fed. I don't know why I'm so worried about it because I've never really had a supply problem. Its just that its been awhile since I've had to pump exclusively for both.

I've been on a pumping kick and have gone back to the days of pumping every 3 hours around the clock (hence the 2am blogging)...and that's not including the breastfeeding sessions with the big guy! Needless to say, I am also going back to feeling like a cow...pump, feed, pump, feed...repeat. Someone needs to invent a mechanism you can connect to so you can pump while you sleep!

As for the boys, I am sure they are going to be fine. My mom is as ready as she'll ever be to take over the reigns, and though I'm sure they'll miss me, everything else will be a constant in their lives so the transition shouldn't be so hard.

Me? I'm going to have it rough. I don't think it helps that I've been home longer than the average for maternity leave, I almost forgot what the heck I do for a living and what its like to have a career! Also, I've never left the boys for more than a few (2-3) hours at a time, since they have been born. So I am going to miss them like crazy. Months ago I said I'd "practice" leaving them, etc. But, I didn't. That wasn't a fun game for me, and I figured it'd rather suck it up once I absolutely had to.

I literally waited until the last second to get anything ready, and really, my wife did all the work of packing my stuff (pump, connector things, bottles, cooler, etc.) and putting it in my car for me. I'm not usually a procrastinator so I'm thinking I was just trying to avoid the inevitable in the hopes it would go away. Ha! Well it didn't work!

Now I get to go back after 9 months without my new fabulous haircut I was going to get, and my nails? Oh lets just not look at my hands!

I decided to steal a New Year's resolution from Carey over at Finding Chaos, since she had so many great ones, and I'm going to try and "be more mindful". I spend a lot of time cleaning, organizing, doing the laundry, and pretty much running through my day like a crazy person to keep things "perfect" and I exhaust myself. This year I am going to try and let things slide that don't need my immediate attention and enjoy the ones that do (i,e. wife and children).

Though I am a few days late, I started yesterday. I had this whole list of "to dos" and didn't do any of it. I chose to spend my last day at home with my wife and our boys playing Wii and watching/chasing the babies as they rolled/crawled around the living room floor. Somehow I don't think I'll regret that decision.

Anyhow, here's to hoping that I make it the full day at work without 1) balling my eyes out every time someone asks about the boys and 2) packing my shit and coming home early!

*sigh* I could do this!